Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
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after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
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He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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