I accidentally had phone sex last night
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
3pm strippers are depressing
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
