i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
