I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
