It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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