thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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