Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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