see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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