I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Randomize
