Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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