Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
