At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
God, I missed his penis.
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