Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
