Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
