I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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