i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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