And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
false alarm, still single
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
