You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
