that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
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