I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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