i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
