let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
