WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I could fuck to npr.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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