I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
