i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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