when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize