Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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