I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Are we in a gay sports bar?
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
