happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize