I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
