I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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