If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
