sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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