We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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