where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
