It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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