Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
