You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
