Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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