nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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