these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
