i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Is it because I queefed?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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