why didn't you poke me back
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
