Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
did you just send me my own nude
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
