I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
