I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
