haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Randomize
