you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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