return my video game
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
