Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
