Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
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