I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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