onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
