I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
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