He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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