This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize