uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
