don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
