Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Randomize
