I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
