Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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