Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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