wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
