I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
