Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Randomize
