I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
