Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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