Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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