i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
