BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
