Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
