Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
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