dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
