She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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