I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I will be naked everywhere
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
