Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
