there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
