Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
