you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
