Just mADE A PArabola og urine
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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