haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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